So… a bit of a share, and a public statement to help keep me motivated:
I couldn’t sleep last night, and instead of my usual routine of watching crap on TV all night while eating everything in the house, I did a little meditation and lot of introspection. Out of this came the realisation that I’ve been allowing some quietly self-destructive habits to entrench themselves. Namely: sitting up all night watching crap on TV while eating everything in the house. “Realisation” might be the wrong word, as of course I already knew this at some level but was ignoring it. The result is that my poor wife has a hell of a time kick-starting a dog-tired, grumpy and increasingly large husband every morning, and bullying him through his routine so that he’s in front of the laptop by 9am. And of course, I don’t bring the best possible version of myself to work every day. Everybody loses.
I’ve always been a big guy, but this is the fattest I’ve ever been. By a huge margin. I don’t like it, and I’ve allowed it to slowly creep up to the point where it’s now ridiculous. I can’t bear the sight of myself in the mirror any more. Why am I sabotaging myself like this? This is not acceptable, and needs to be dealt with. If I’d noticed these things in somebody else, I’d reach out to help. Why did it take me so long to recognise this behaviour in myself?
And more to the point, what am I going to do about it? Well to start with, I gave myself a stern talking-to:
- You will be in bed by midnight, and stay there even if you can’t sleep.
- You will eat nothing after dinner except maybe some fresh fruit.
- You will exercise every day. 1-2 miles of walking a time. Twice, if you can manage it. Yes, even in the rain.
There will be days when I miss the bulls-eye, I’m sure. That’s OK. I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m trying to be better. I’ve already committed to walking 300 miles this year, and I’m on target for that (barely). But it’s become clear that this is not going to be enough unless I make some other life changes. And those changes start today.
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